A Hopeful Christmas
Published 10th December 2021
It’s nearing the end of December and whilst everyone is looking forward to the Christmas break, I know that there are a lot of people who will be reflective on the passing of another year.
I’m talking about those who have been trying to get pregnant for a little while. Whether it’s a few months or a few years, the anguish of starting another year in exactly the same position as the last is a lot to bear.
But I’d like you to try and see your efforts from a slightly different angle;
- The time you have taken to eat well when all you wanted was coco-pops for dinner
- exercising when you wanted to watch Netflix in your pj’s
- avoiding caffeine when you felt shattered
- pretending to drink champagne at a friend’s hen do, when it was an apple juice spritzer
None of these efforts are wasted. Just because you haven’t had a positive pregnancy test yet, doesn’t mean that it’s not going to happen. In fact, you are probably even closer to it than ever.
If you have been making a conscious effort to achieve your goal, it hasn’t been in vain. An athlete who just misses out on being chosen for the olympics does not go back to square one when they train for their next competition. All the benefits of your work are carried forward.
I know it’s going to be tough watching others with their families over Christmas. I understand the dark thoughts that will enter your mind like a tidal wave. But I want you to recognise that they are just thoughts and a normal reaction to what you are going through. The defence mechanism of the mind is to push down hope. It’s a natural response when you want something, to tell yourself that it won’t happen and then you can’t be disappointed.
But here’s the thing. I don’t think that this is a bad thing and I don’t believe that negative thoughts affect outcome. In fact, every single woman I see in my clinic believes that they won’t get pregnant. Yet they do. Nobody enters into IVF thinking positively that it will work. And it does.
So what I’d suggest over Christmas, is that you write a list of all the things you have done over the last 12 months to improve your chances of conceiving. When the negative thoughts come into your head, think back to this list. Remember that you have put everything in place to be receptive to a pregnancy and that it will happen. It will.
Accept that ‘disaster planning’ is a process that we have developed over millions of years. Without the ability to consider the worst case scenario, we would not have been able to assess risk, and without that, Human Beings wouldn’t have survived. It doesn’t mean you are a negative person (or somehow that these negative thoughts will pickle your uterus), this is cold, hard evolution at play.
Lastly, I’d encourage you to be kind to yourself over the festive season. Don’t put yourself in a situation that you are dreading. You can blame covid for almost everything at the moment – trying to avoid it, might have come into contact with it, waiting for a pcr test etc Let’s call them little white lies to protect your emotional health. I am giving you permission to decline an invitation to a christening, a first birthday party, a Christmas gathering where people will be asking if you want a baby – Hell no! Unless I can come with you, drink your wine for you and act as your body guard from unwanted conversations… I’d suggest you politely make your excuses.
I hope you manage to have a peaceful, happy Christmas. The New Year will bring all sorts of unexpected events… it always does! I’ll be thinking of you xxx
